There is this strange ache in my heart in the way that I miss you. In the way that I miss our children. The way that I miss our family as it once was. At once it seems like it was both yesterday and many years or even lifetimes ago that we would wake up together, drink coffee and make breakfast, caring for our children before sending them on the bus to school. My God, what happened to us? Did we destroy each other in the process of destroying ourselves or did we destroy ourselves in the process of destroying each other . . . ? And worse yet, what of our children? My God, what were we thinking and what in this living hell have we done?
So often I have all these fractured thoughts strumming around my mind. Ideas, doubts, curiosities, possibilities, potential goals, memories . . . You get the point. The reason I started this blog was to have somewhere to record these things. And yet, so often, these thoughts are fragmented - bits here and bits there, all pooling together in the center of my mind, trying to assimilate; Trying to piece themselves together to form something coherent - something worthy of sharing. So please, forgive me if what I'm sharing doesn't make sense. Despite my numerous flaws and short comings, I am trying and I am doing and I am hoping.